Monday, June 16, 2008

Mystery

I know that I must not understand Jesus' words when he said that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. I think it must be about salvation, pointing to the fact that salvation is not based on works...

It can't point to the Christian life. I read on the blog about baby Audrey Caroline that we all can take a little of a hurting sister or brother's pain and carry it for them through prayer. I didn't know what I thought about that line at first, but that was right before little Libby's heart surgery. When you watch your friends allow their infant baby to go under the knife, have her heart stopped so it can be patched and stitched, there is some carrying of the burden going on for sure.

I'm sure this post is just therapy for me today. I had a great morning-I went for a walk, had a great time in the Word and I prayed through my prayer journal. Maybe that's where the ache started. I've been praying for salvation for a long list of people-some for years. I've yet to see fruit (but I'm still trusting!). Our family is praying for Donna who's in one hospital while her non-responding mom is in another in ICU. Baby Harlee is doing well, but when you're born at 26 weeks, well is relative. Aaron has been seeking the Lord for a coaching job for months...there's our own confusion over moving out to our land to pray about...and what about the homeschooling mom (my age) at church who suddenly became a widow on Thursday while her family was on vacation?

If my heart wasn't throbbing with pain after that, it sure was as I sat next to my husband as he poured out his heart. He's lacking direction. He's exhausted. He has a wife who's nesting and has such an obsession with moving to a house adequate for her expanding family.

Oh, it hurts to see others need a solution, a miracle, an answer. It hurts to feel helpless in helping them. It's an honor to pray for others who need the Lord's touch, but it's a heart investment. When you pray for people, your care for them increases and you find yourself picking up a little more of their burden. It's all good-it's great! But it's still hard work. Heart breaking work.

I don't have a great witty ending for this post. I don't know my point. My word of the week is conflicted. I've felt conflicted over several issues lately and it's not going away. How do we feel happy about finding out what our unborn baby's gender is on Wednesday (!) while feeling incredibly sad for a mourning sister while feeling frustrated about our little housing budget in a crazy economy while feeling helpless to help our hurting husband? How does that reconcile?

Hmm, is it a coincidence that my iTunes played Natalie Grant's Held while I was typing out this post?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I so completely understand what you are saying. It is an honor to be able to help carry someone else's burden, but it is such heavy heart work.

On a lighter note and along the housing line...you could move your family to Ohio and move into my house! LOL We will be attempting to put it on the market later this summer. That is, if the repairs can be made within our budget. If not...I don't know what we will do.

Leah

Supermom2JakeAndEmmy said...

You are like me - you carry the burdens of the world on your shoulders. Prayer is so emotionally draining sometimes - especially when you pray for others that you care so deeply about. Letting go and letting God sometimes becomes the hardest where loved ones are concerned.

Janet said...

Lifting you up in prayer as I write.....I love your heart