Monday, January 25, 2010

When God is Silent

Last year at this time God let me down. Big time. Is it okay to say that without fear of a lightening strike? I believe so, but I've been tempted to save face for God's sake. Of course, he doesn't really need my help with his public relations, so I'm just going to be real about it.

In my last post, I talked about asking God for help. There are times when he doesn't help like we want him to. Last year we had (like we usually do) several pieces of property in which we must pay taxes on. I knew the tax money was not in our budget. I prayed. I know God clothes the lily of the valley, and he knows if one sparrow falls. He wants us to give unto Caesar what is Caesar's so I knew he wanted us to pay the taxes. No brainer, just trust God, right? Well, I did. I knew worry wouldn't make money appear in my bank account and that we'd spent wisely yet still didn't have the necessary funds due at the end of January. So, I fully expected God to come through by January 31st.

Well, he didn't. And it hurt.

I was confused. My pride was hurt. I didn't want to pay penalties. Perfectionists don't pay penalties.

Okay, it's not like we were getting hauled to tax court or anything, and when we got or income tax refund, we paid them all in full, no problem. But what about my faith? Where was God?

I've felt let down all year. I read scripture about God rescuing his people, about him providing and something in my heart said, "Yeah, but not for us, not for my family...He's forgotten us (remember we've had land on the market for over a year...when it sells our lives will be perfect, ya know)."

Yet I learned last week that God was silent for over 400 years in the Old Testament. The silence of God is an age old question, not just something I alone have felt (which is what the devil would like me to believe).

We can hold fast to his promises that he will never leave us or forsake us, even if we don't feel like he's with us, he says he is. He does not change. He's the same God if he's speaking to us or not. Someone giving me wise counsel said to me, "Wendy, Satan may have wanted to mess with you and God said, 'Go ahead, take her out and play with her a while, she'll still be mine when you're done.'"

Well, now, that sounds like a challenge to me! A challenge is always the way to motivate me! I am challenged to be God's girl no matter what games Satan is trying to play with me. I want to be known as the woman who still stood firm in her knowledge of Who's she is.

Guess who's budget doesn't have enough funds for taxes this January? Satan vs Wendy, round two!

It's okay, we know Who's side wins in the end, don't we!


Luke said...

I can relate to feeling like God let me down. Totally hear ya!

Hang in there! Life can be quite the ride.


Wendy said...

Hey Luke! Good to see you back!