Miracle (Warning: graphic photo)

We had a baby dedication ceremony Sunday at church. All babies born in 2008 and 2009 were invited to be a part. It was sweet to have Audrey there. One of the promises we as parents made in front of our church family was to remember our children are  special gifts. Shane and I spoke later about what we were thinking in that moment.

This is what was on our minds:

 

  This is my placenta from my fourth pregnancy. It was a successful VBAC with an post term baby. You can see in the photo of a finger pointing at a knot. That's what we were thinking about. We have another set of pictures from Audrey's birth with a similar picture of a knotted cord.

Knotted cords can be fatal. Imagine your child's oxygen and food supply threatened for weeks and weeks while mom and dad continue on without a clue! Babies' cords knot way before the end of the pregnancy; they knot when babies still have the freedom to use it as a jump rope. Thankfully, neither of our daughters' cords knotted during pregnancy, although Audrey's may have tightened during labor, sending us for an emergency Cesarean birth. This is a very present part of our lives. We think about it on a weekly basis, even though our knotted cord babies are ages 3 and 1!

Having children so narrowly escape death has made us especially thankful for their little lives. It's helped us have grace for our little tornado Jaika.

The reality is, and I've said this here before, is that all of us have escaped death, probably narrowly as well. Who knows how many times God protected us from being in an fatal car accident by placing us behind a farmer on a John Deere (happens in this rural area all the time!)?

All of us are fearfully and wonderfully made, with a purpose put before us by a Holy God. Your life is precious and has meaning. May your heavenly Father confirm that in your heart today.

Physical Therapy for Mommas

I've come upon a of new-to-me resource I want to pass on to all my mom readers. I'm really excited to discover a physical therapist with a women's health specialty. Even my smallish rural hospital has a couple of women with this expertise. They are trained to help women with our unique physical challenges that can stem from simply being female. For example, if a woman is having a lot of lower back pain during pregnancy, a physical therapist like I described can help her ease her pain and hopefully keep it at bay. I love this!

Of course, I'm really loving the whole idea of physical therapy right now, as I'm benefiting from my treatments greatly! I have what I've described as "Mommy Neck and Shoulders" where my neck and shoulders are so tight, my nerves are getting compressed. PT has really done wonders, much to my surprise. I thought I was going to have to have surgery for my carpal tunnel like symptoms.

Something that really helped me was to read a sign on the PT room wall. It ready, "You don't have to live with pain." I have been living with lower back pain just because I thought I had to. I thought it was just weak abs from having a second Cesarean. I was already benefiting from the therapy on my neck and shoulders, so why fix that only to live with lower back pain? I mentioned it to my PT and we are going to address it as soon as my neck is healed. I'm so excited!

I know, I'm a little bit of a nerd, but so what? I am so blessed that PT is solving my hand issues, and quickly, too! I'm also blessed that my PT doctor says a massage or two would help me, too! I've had one so far (my first ever!) and there's not much better than a 45 minute deep tissue massage ordered by my doctor! No guilt!

Seriously, if you are a momma in pain, don't live with it. There's no reason to! You don't deserve it, even if it's a result of bad habits (mine is probably from carrying babies on my hip and having poor posture). There's no time like now to tackle those habits and the pain.

Besides, there might be a massage in it for you, too-and even if there's not, at least PT time means an hour or so out of the house sans children! I just pretend it's a spa treatment (where I have to work a bit, but hey, it's better than changing diapers)!

It's Complicated

I've never had a single complication post partum, so I guess it was my turn. Monday night I heard a gurgle sound in my chest. I thought I might be getting a chest cold. The next day or so I realized that each time I would lie down, I'd be short of breath. Tuesday night the shortness of breath and gurgling increased to the point that I spent most of the night sleeping upright on the couch so I could breathe. I was scared. I knew I had fluid on my chest at this point and thoughts of congestive heart failure crossed my mind. With the fog that comes in the middle of a scary night, I wondered if whatever was happening would lead to my children not having a mother. Of course I didn't tell Shane about my fears until it was all over-he was not happy with me!

I'm not going to go into the psychological reasons for not going to the ER at 3am, but lets just say I'm a little neurotic about not bothering people (like my doctor, a grandma to watch the kids) and I didn't want to be wrong and humiliated when turned away from the hospital with a chest cold.

Once we got past my OB's receptionist who wondered why in the world I'd need to be seen with shortness of breath, we were told to come "right now" to the doctor's office. After she assessed the symptoms, she told me she suspected one of two things-a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lungs) or pulmonary edema (fluid around the lungs/heart). Hearing the word "embolism" is not a good way for an exhausted mom with a new baby to start the day. The fight to keep back the tears started. I'm not really a cryer, but by the afternoon every hospital staff I came across saw me sob.

Shane, Audrey & I headed to the hospital for a chest x-ray, CT scan with the contrast dye to look for a blood clot, an EKG, and an Echocardiogram. Audrey couldn't nurse for a while after one of the tests but we coped-with tears.

The tests showed it was not a blood clot-praise the Lord! Basically, several factors from the C-section led to my heart getting backed up on it's job to rid the body of the fluid, so fluid was accumulating in my lungs and throughout my body. My wonderful doctor prescribed 4 rounds of Lasix in about 2 days time, which brought many liters of fluid off my body. I was so delighted to see my ankles again this morning! My maternity clothes I had to wear to the doctor's office were pretty saggy when we came home today. I'm about 15lbs lighter than before I went in. Crazy.

So Audrey & I made our residence in room 4203 for a couple of nights. She brought many visitors to our room since the nurses on that floor don't get to see many babies. I bet they don't see many girls night out parties either, but we had one-complete with Mexican food, Starbucks, and girl talk late into the night!

This event made so many things more real. Life can change on a dime. None of us are exempt from health problems. All of us will have some event that ends our lives. I know that's a downer, sorry...

On a brighter note, we've never felt more blessed by our friends & family than in the last 9 days. Between Audrey's emergency arrival and this week's crisis, God must have tired of hearing our names lifted up to Him! Even though it was all scary, I took great comfort in knowing so many people were praying. On top of that, many people offered to help with the girls or to bring me anything I might need-one friend even stayed the night with me so Shane could go home and give the girls a "normal" evening. There were more offers to help than we had needs to spread around! We had many visitors who brought encouragement and prayer-I've lost count of how many times people circled up around my bed to pray. I'm in awe & greatly humbled.

It Happened

The water broke.

Mother-in-law was called to watch the kids.

Admittance was made to the hospital.

But it wasn't me. It was my cousin, Elisa. My due date, her (almost) delivery.

She is only 33 weeks, so of course my jealousy is feigned. We're lifting Elisa and her baby boy up in prayer-doctors are trying to stall her delivery. Although this is serious, it's nothing like her first baby's birth, which occurred just after her baby shower-months too early. Thankfully all her babies are beautiful & healthy and we pray the same for this third one on the way.

As for me, I'm fine with not delivering yet. I am pining to lay eyes on my baby girl and to cuddle her. There is nothing else on my to-do list I want to do, nothing else really needing to be done before she gets here, so boredom is lurking. I'm looking forward to Shane's two weeks off and our break from school, but that's all. No physical issues to complain about. We get so see her tomorrow in our sonogram that will measure the health of her little home & placenta.

Maybe you all are ready for delivery so I will post on something else besides pregnancy ;) Don't worry, I won't be pregnant forever (or so I keep telling myself).

Be blessed-and pray for Elisa & her baby please.

ETA: 11/3-Elisa is still pregnant, they've stopped the contractions, given antibiotics & steroids and will now just wait & see. They're hoping for a few more days but since her water has broken, they won't do much to stop her at this point. They think the baby weighs about 4 lbs. Thanks for keeping her in your prayers, I'll keep you updated on who delivers first :)

Almost There!

I was almost in labor last night. Almost. That's the key. I hate that word today!

At 12:30 am contractions started with a bang-every 5 minutes-and continued until about 3:30am. That's all there is. They stopped.

My OB appt. was today, so I at least held some hope that those contractions were making a difference. Ummm, nope. Nothin'. Well, okay, last week I was dilated to a whopping 1 and now it's a "1 to a 2".

My OB said that if I make it to next week (my due date plus one day) then my appt before I see her is for a sono to check several factors that contribute to the baby's well being. If all is well, she'll continue to monitor me like that until 42 weeks. If we go that far, we might have to resort to something like this (sorry, Shane is a poor influence on me-I stole it from his blog)

Shane & I went to the appt today, and out for lunch afterwards sans kids, in faith that this would be our last chance for a childless date for a while. Here's hoping!

This week has been a small spiritual journey for me-nothing huge, but I don't want to take the Lord's work in me lightly.

I started the week a little concerned about this baby's delivery. There were no signs of progress when I saw the doctor Monday. Since Jay was 13 days late, her cord, placenta (where she gets all her nutrients) and her skin were dried up like raisins. My great labor & delivery nurse friend, who is normally very laid back has begged me throughout this pregnancy not to go late again. Our friend who will also be Audrey's pediatrician agrees.

The problem is that I just can't have a traditional scheduled induction because of the prior C-section with Bethany. The drugs used for induction can cause a scarred uterus to rupture, which can be fatal for mom and baby. There are some techniques for getting labor started (breaking the water is one) but there are no guarantees. If the water is broken and labor doesn't start, a C-section is in order.

I know C's are all the rage, with some doctors allowing elective sections. I can't jump on that bandwagon. My recovery was hard, the incision was tender even two years later if I was under stress or tired. It would make my 3rd abdominal surgery and I'm not keen on all that scar tissue. I know some of my recovery issues were my fault-I rearranged my hospital room while Shane was not looking, so I know I must have done too much at home. How would I avoid that with 5 children to take care of? Not going to happen.

So, back to my spiritual journey.

Actually, I'll get back to it-tomorrow. The Lord has shown me some cool things about His faithfulness but I need to get my thoughts in order. I'm also trying to keep (get?) my posts shorter...so until next time...

PS-I sent out an email to some prayer warriors asking that they pray I go into labor on my own soon, feel free to pray for me in that way if you're a prayin' kinda person.

PSS-If you're one of my local buddies who wants to get "the call" that we're going to the hospital/had the baby no matter what time of day or night it is, you need to tell me. If you aren't my parents/inlaws, my emergency ride to the hospital, or my babysitter, you won't be called until daylight hours.

See you tomorrow unless y'all's prayers work extra fast!

We have a decision

We may not have a middle name for this baby, but we finally came to a conclusion that might mean she's not the caboose.

This is crazy, just hang in here with me.

This may be the first time God's asked me to do something big that I've not wanted to do. At all. I feel like Jonah. If I had my druthers, I'd go the opposite direction than where it appears we're heading.

I've stated to friends and I believe here on the blog that I just don't know what to do with the fact that God probably has a good ten (or more!) more years of fertility ahead for me. I just can't make myself believe that it's okay to just cut that off. He didn't put it there by accident after all.

So, I've thought and prayed for the last few weeks. We made a vasectomy consult appt. with Shane's doctor. We cancelled per my request. I've really been wrestling with this. I came upon a passage in Let the Nations be Glad (of all books-it's about missions, not family size!). It's referring to Adam & Eve and then to all men:

They are finite and do not have the wisdom to know all the factors to take into account in living a happy life. Only God knows all that needs to be known. Therefore, humans have no right to be independent of God. Independent judgment about what is helpful and harmful is folly and rebellion.

John Piper put to words my exact thoughts.

As I read this to Shane this morning, we discussed the fact that there is no black & white way to say what decisions can be made in our own judgments and what can't. So, if we make the decision that our kids can spend the day with their grandparents without first consulting God, are we exercising independent judgment?

That's a good question, but not the point here. The point is that altering one of our bodies in a way to forever close the door on additional children (without a clear peace about it from God or a medical reason-which we have neither of) is probably an act of independent judgment. Shane and I both agreed to this. In the Sonic parking lot.

Interestingly, I don't find using non-abortifacient birth control methods convicting at all. I guess I feel God has so much more control in that situation. Our hearts can still be open to a change of mind. In the past, we've used NFP with hearts constantly open to God's intervening. If God allowed a pregnancy to occur or if He were to speak to our hearts to tell us we weren't done, we were great with it.

I can't say I'm great with it now. I am satisfied with our 5. I am not interested in being on the Discovery Channel with a family the size of a small village. Answering the questions that come to big families is not on my favorite things to do list...and weddings and college might do us in...

Yet I know to run like Jonah is not the right answer. There is no (affordable) boat back to Nineveh. It's a one way trip and I'm sure tempted to buy a ticket. I'm jealous of my friends who so easily made the decision without all this internal turmoil. Why do they get the pass? Believe me friends, there's no judgment here, just wonder about why it's been so different for me.

All I know is this: if it's true that I can't really know what will make me happy and that I can't know what will happen in the future, then I can rest in the fact that my Father does. Yet I still might have to pray strength over the Trojans before they're used, lol!

So, if any of you have a way to answer the are you done yet question to strangers in Wal Mart, I'd love your help!

I feel the need...

...to explain the new link in my side bar. People are starting to ask me what I need and really, with four big sisters all we need is space! That hardly satisfies the grandparents, though, so I have thought of a few things that would be nice. I know registries can rub people the wrong way, but I'm just trying to get out of a shower here :)

Seriously, we only need a handful of things and to be very open, we don't need a whole lot of things-like blankets, for example. We have a full to the brim storage tote loaded down with beautiful baby quilts. We've not opened it in years-since we continue to circulate the same dozen or so we've received with our last babies. Yes, this baby can have a few of her own, but that's all we'll need. Same idea for clothes, bibs, toys, and so on. We try to live simply and are currently squished into a 2 bedroom/1 bath house. Besides, don't most of you moms of many realize with each new baby you truly need less and less stuff?

On the other hand, it was quite fun to put together a small registry. I've not done that since our wedding days! This is probably my last one...so have fun with it, too :)

FYI: I put some nursing clothes on there and will probably go update it as the fall clothes come out.

Do you think less of me for putting this out there? Don't answer that :)

Edit: Just so you know, the original link took you right to my own page with my full name. I altered the the html code and now it just goes to the page. You have to know my first & last name to see my registry. The friends' password is baby5

It's a GIRL!!!!

There is nothing else to say except that I love her! She's beautiful and she's exactly who God wants in our family. We can't wait to meet her!

What's inside?

Bethany says, "I wuv you Mommy, and your baby, too. I wuv it if it a dirl baby or a boy baby." She really wants a girl but thinks it's a boy...

Hope says, "If it's a boy, I hope it isn't a Mexican." Shocked at this I ask her why she would say that. She said, "Because James' mom said he's part Mexican and he's mean!" Daddy replied, "Me and you, and the mailman too!" She also said if it's a boy we can just send him to public school. That way I don't have to change my email address or blog title.

Ash says, "I need this to be boy so there will be someone in this house who doesn't just want to play Barbies and Polly Pockets all the time!" Never mind that she'll be driving before he wants to play much of anything!

Dad says, "I don't know if I really want a boy (like everyone assumes he's pining for), I love my girls so much..."

Mom says, "I'll cry either way." However, I remember well the night (of the Gala) we found out Jaybird was a girl after I had a feeling she was a boy (I never guess these things well). We just laughed-all of us-just laughed because of the craziness of it all. Everyone we told had a good chuckle as well.

Well, about 3 1/2 more hours and we should know. By the way, I voted "boy".

Today

This is my porch today. How will it be decorated tomorrow afternoon? Pink? Blue? Yellow again?

Pregnancy Update

Well, we're still yellow ballooning it, at least until next week when we'll go back for a 20 week sonogram. One of my favorite sonographers is now working for my OB, so that'll be fun. She was working with our "other" Pregnancy Resource Center (the one I used to work at, not the one where I currently work) when we went medical. She did the big sono demo at the Gala and then called me behind stage afterwards to peak at our baby-that's when we found out Jaybird was a girl. That was a fun night-a surprise sonogram while wearing an evening dress!

I thought I'd give a little run down of the pregnancy thus far:

Pounds gained: 6
Been feeling movement for how many weeks: 2
Claims rejected by Aetna: 1
Bellyrubs by non-immediate family members: 7
"Boy or Girl" question asked: 351 (give or take a few)

So, next week-do I announce the gender with balloons again or try something new?

On a lighter note

I was thinking about my blog this morning while blow drying my hair. I'm such a multitasker, you know. I was thinking that over at Pioneer Woman, you always know it's a fun, light read. At Making Home, it's probably going to be a bit heavier, and spiritual. At my blog, (which doesn't even need to be in the same paragraph with those two) you just never know what you're going to get!

So, today, I have a problem for you to solve. See, when I was in highschool, I was lonely and really didn't feel like I had many friends. I prayed about it and then suddenly, I had too many to fit in my car to go to lunch with (ahem, I should say here that I drove a pickup, so it didn't take too long to get too many!).

Apparently, God has blessed me by continuing to answer that prayer for friends. Shane and I have pockets of friends in various places-a few churches, two pregnancy centers-which means 2 boards and two sets of staff, plus the former staff we still have contact with, two or three jobs (his current, his old...), our Life Group, Awana-the teachers of our kids, and then those friends who don't fit a group...everyone (okay, not everyone from above, but you get what I mean) wants to know FIRST if this is a boy or girl. Which we'll hopefully know on Monday. Oh, you say I forgot to mention family? See what I mean? How will I tell everyone?

I don't have unlimited texting so that idea is out.
An email is too impersonal, isn't it?
Not enough of the above read my blog.
Just thinking of calling everyone makes me tired.

I'm out of ideas. Have any? As long as we have to come up with something, it might as well be creative! I'm really lacking in that department, so help me out!

Pregnancy Update

Here's the baby bump from my point of view. This was taken at about 16 weeks. I believe I felt movement this morning and possibly last night. I'm holding out for the real stuff, though. None of this pansey kinda movement-I want full fledged kicks!

The nausea has been mostly gone for a few weeks, and the fatigue is fading. Rolaid use is up, and the last few days my irritablility is surging upwards as well. I'm hoping the box of maternity clothes heading my way from http://www.motherhood.com/ (all on sale, of course!) will cheer me up. I am very pleased that I finally tried on a pair of khaki linen pants I bought at a garage sale for 50 cents-they're as comfy as my sleep pants but I can wear them to work!

I'm working hard at fighting the frump-since I'm sure being a homeschooling mom of 5 automatically puts me in the frump catagory and I have to dig out of it. This week I worked out for the first time in a couple of months. It felt good, but I could tell how stiff I am. Shane is washing up the jogging stroller for me right now, so I hope to add walking back in to the routine. Thankfully, I've only gained 4 pounds as of my last appt. More on frump fighting later!

Everyone I see asks me if we know the gender yet or if we'll find out. No, we don't know yet and you betcha we're finding out! I can't wait to know. It's technically possible to tell right now, but my free sono connection is geared (trained) for first trimester scans, so determining gender at this early stage may be a challenge. I don't want to play the emotional game of, "Well, we think it's a boy, but we're not sure...". I want to wait until it's clear. We might take a peek later next week. Wouldn't it be fun to find out and not tell anyone?

Finally, I've not announced it here on the blog, but in preparation for this baby (which unless it's a boy, this is just about all the prep we'll do-except strap the carseat into the van or something smart like that), I've resigned from my position at the Pregnancy Resource Center. I've been talking to our board chair, I mean president for months and he's known I would be going home full time before long. Adding Beth to the homeschool table seemed daunting while working. Once I settled down from finding out I was pregnant, this became the next logical step. So logical, we didn't even pray about it. It's just time. My last day will probably be mid August. My emotions are mixed; I'll miss it of course, but I love the idea of being home and getting to those fun things we have had to push aside. The Board was so gracious and sweet, I'll never forget their loving reaction (they almost begged me to stay-it always feels good to be wanted!).

So, since I'm going to be home, I have to practice liking the chores related to being home...right? I have lots of practice with those dishes waiting on me...

ETA: I've tried four times to make the spacing stay as it looks in my draft. Once I hit "Publish Post" all the paragraphs run together. Some of you know that no paragraph breaks really annoy me...so much so that if this doesn't stop, it may push me over the Blogger edge and I just might get a Type Pad or Word Press blog instead...Okay, here it goes, clicking on "Publish Post" once more...

ETA II: Still didn't work, I'm going to try making old fashioned paragraph indentions-this really bothers me!

ETA III: I give up.

A Gift from the Lord

I just have to share what happened this morning. I set about to do my dishes this morning and mop the floor before the kids got up. It was quiet and I went to the computer to find something to listen to while working. I usually go for Nancy Leigh Demoss but needed a break today. I went to www.oneplace.com and scanned the selection of ministries available to listen to. I listened to a short commentary on the Texas LDS compound and then went to Family Life Today.

You would never guess what the topics were at the end of last week. Surprise pregnancies.

I clicked on May 1st broadcast and immediately started crying. The woman about to be interviewed had four children and was feeling much like I do when she found out she was pregnant with number 5. She put words to everything I'm feeling. Except that she wished for a miscarriage, my emotions line up perfectly with hers.

Shane came in and saw me misty eyed. I assured him these were tears of joy, joy that the Lord knew just what I needed this morning and that I am not alone or crazy or abnormal. Well, the last two might be debatable ;0)

If you care to listen to the broadcasts: http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/FamilyLife_Today/archives.asp?bcd=2008-5-2
You'll have to catch the first one of the 2 in the series today or they might be off the oneplace site. I'm sure you could find them at the Family Life website, though.

Pregnancy Update

Clean up duty, just one of the many messy jobs of parenting!

I'm 14 weeks today and we heard the little one's heartbeat at the OBs office. Very sweet!

This weekend while in Tulsa for a karate tournament (I'll post some pics of that soon), Ash's karate instructor was introducing me to another student's mother. She gave our family background and included that I'm expecting #5. The woman, who was very nice, said, "And you look thrilled." She was being sarcastic. My heart kind of hurt since I did not realize my feelings were being worn on my sleeve. I thought I was just listening to her introduce me...

I pondered this until today, when I confessed it to Shane and told him how guilty I felt about it. He quickly reminded me that we were nearing the end of a long day, we had traveled seven hours the day before and stayed in a "smoking" hotel room that made all of us feel rotten. I was taking it too seriously, and thanks to Shane, I saw that.

However, I have also come to another conclusion. When I was a newlywed, I dreamed of having a JCP baby. You know, I'd salivate over the beautiful nurseries set up in the Penney's catalog and long for a baby. Then I had one. And another. One of those has a pretty strong personality and is a lot of work. Another had an attitude I prayed about for years. Then another, a C-section that made bouncing back a little slow. Then another, who has been called the "most strong willed child I've ever met" by a good friend. Dishes, laundry, diaper changes, school books, and piano lessons grow with each child. Along with differing learning styles and responses to discipline.

Parenting takes a lot of in the trenches, on your knees kind of work. There are many thankless tasks that never can be completed. You'll always have to wipe a face, wipe a counter top, and wipe a bottom again. It's not all beautiful layettes and pristine dream nurseries. It's nursing the baby while reminding the preschooler (again) to be quiet while you help the oldest with math while still in your PJs.

Of course I know all the good things, too. Like seeing that Jaybird made up her own sign for prayer and seeing her remind us to pray before our meal. We stop to smell the parental roses a lot.

But the roses don't come without weeding and the occasional thorn prick.

So, I'm not jumping up and down and telling the world I'm pregnant. I'm wondering if I can parent five children well. I'm wondering how many will need therapy because of my faults. I'm thinking about reading the same school books five times--or worse, teaching algebra or biology (think dissecting!) five times!

But, I am a mother of five children. I think about this little one and protect it. I am looking foward to feeling the first kicks in the next month or so. I ponder baby names and wonder if my heart will break if its not a boy...or not a girl. I have a deep joy and thankfullness for this life.

And, I laugh. I laugh at buying yogurt targeted at pregnant women, diapers, and a teeny sports bra for my tween all in one trip. You know, in a few years my shopping list will contain Depends, feminine products, mini bras and diapers!

Baby Talk

A random note: I wrote all the birth story posts and the twaddle, ur I mean escape literature, (right Summer?) post last weekend or early in the week and posted them throughout the week. I hate it that blogger adds so many spaces when you save a post as a draft. Anyone know if I'm causing it, let me know.

Not so random note: I've never registered for baby items. We registered for our wedding shower back before computerized registries existed. Y'all remember the big black binder at Wal-Mart they kept at the service desk?

So, I'm thinking of registering for this baby. Not that I need all that much, but what I do want isn't available at Wal-Mart or any brick and morter store I've been to. I'm looking at this site for cloth diapers, which is essentially all I need. Well, I mean if it's a girl.

If this is a boy, my friends and family will probably insist I not put him in Jaybird's infant pink car seat. I have a feeling the grandmothers won't be able to resist buying him more clothes than we can even store, so I'm not worried about that at all. This is the first boy on either side (we're the only ones with children so far).

But, if this is a boy, it does bring up a few problems. Does he get his own room? Are group baths going to be a thing of the past? Do I have to change my email address and blog title?

Hope has a solution for this, she shared it at dinner. I was finished eating and was poking around the Cotton Babies site I linked to above, just looking at cute carriers. Hope joined me and was pointing out good ones for a girl. Then she said, "If this is a boy, it will mess up everything. But we could send him to...what's it called? Public school?"

I love it!

Birth Story 4

This is the last birth story until fall! Aren't you glad?! This one is two stories in one-a high speed police chase and a birth story! Sorry it's a bit longer than the others.

This pregnancy had some interesting circumstances, too. Shane had been in a car wreck on the way to work when Bethany was three months old. He had a severe concussion and wasn't allowed to return to work for a few months. Once he did, he only worked a few weeks when he found out his number was up and he and many coworkers were being laid off. He was offered a retraining opportunity and decided to take it. This is how he ended up in law enforcement, but first he had to go finish his degree, so off to college he went.

I had been working on losing weight with his graduation as my goal. I had worn a little black dress to one of our first Galas and wanted to wear it again to his graduation-but I'd have to work for it! Then at work one day, I decided to do a pregnancy test after everyone left. I had a tiny idea I might be pregnant but didn't really think so. I started the test and then went on about my work. I went back to check on it and was shocked to see it was positive. I went home and informed Shane the little black dress would be replaced by a maternity dress. I was due a few months after his graduation.

I had no insurance coverage until half way through the pregnancy so I had to apply for Medicaid. I had to change doctors to accommodate the insurance change. I was sad to leave the doctor who'd seen me through all the previous pregnancies. There was a new doctor in town and she'd joined our pregnancy center ministry so we thought she'd be a good fit. Dr. Smith was my new doctor and we had decided to try a VBAC.

I really wanted a midwife at this point, but with VBACing Shane said "no way." Dr. Smith was great to go along with much of my natural plan. She did want me to have an epidural in place since at that time the hospital didn't require the anesthesiologist to be on site. If he were eating dinner with his family a half hour away, and they needed to do an emergency C-section, then I'd be in big trouble. I understood but was bugged by it. Why did I have to change my plans because the hospital wouldn't provide what was needed (they do now, thankfully)? I am the paying patient and it wasn't unreasonable. I don't think patients should have to have extra procedures to make up for a lack of services the hospital should provide. I begged Shane to reconsider the midwife...

When I actually told Dr. Smith I really didn't want an epidural, she said that was fine and she'd request that the appropriate people be in house should they be needed. Whew! I was so glad!

Jaybird was due July 12. At the end of June, Dr. Smith started telling me I probably wouldn't make my next appt. But I did. And the next one. And the next one. Her due date came and went. I had a false start, even called Shane home from his new job at the Sheriff's Office but by the time he got home, it all stalled out. I've never called Shane at work except for 3 times-the false alarm, one more false alarm when I just put him on standby, and then the real time. I was so nervous calling him at work. The last time I called him I had to talk to the same officer I'd talked to before...once again saying, "Everything's fine, I'm in labor (again)". I felt like a fool but what could I do besides pray I'd go into labor on his night off? Which I did, but it didn't seem to work :(

So, the night it was for real, I made myself dial the SO with trembling fingers. I called him and he couldn't come home right away. Lots of officers were out with training and vacations. He had to make calls to see who could cover him. He can't just leave, it can be a felony to just walk out and leave the jail understaffed. So, he calls his brother to come get me. Shane works half an hour south of here, in the same town as the hospital. He thought if his brother could get me to him, then by the time I got there, he'd be able to leave.

I was a mad momma! I did not want his brother to see me breath through contractions! He had some nerve! I wasn't about to push or anything, he could have just waited. Meanwhile, while I'm steaming and packing last minute items into my bag, his brother gets a panicked call in the middle of the night. He jumps out of bed at the word "labor" and with the speed of lightening, drives like a madman the 10 minutes to our house. He didn't know it, but a serious crime had just been committed near the highway he was now speeding down. The police see him flying and assume they've found their criminal. Shane's brother sees the lights behind him in the distance and assumes Shane had called his buddies out to escort him to me. Ha! He had two very irate cops from different departments to deal with when he pulled up to the house!

I had just gotten out of the shower and was in the dining room with wet hair and PJs when a big burly bald officer burst in the house to see if I'm having--get this--heart pains. "No, I said, I'm just in labor and waiting for my husband to be able to leave the SO." I was so confused...what in the world...why didn't Shane just wait and come home himself!?

My mom shows up to watch the three children still asleep and she tries to calm the officer down who's outside yelling at my BIL (who doesn't hold back anything, by the way. I'm not sure how he didn't get arrested). The yelling officer was her next door neighbor...oh well, it didn't work so she came in to check on me. Great. More people to watch me labor, just what I wanted.

Baldy kept asking me if I needed an ambulance. No, I'm fine, really. Where would the local ambulance take me? Our hospital doesn't even deliver babies. Finally, they leave. I'm on the phone with Shane and he tells me I have to ride with his brother at least to his house (between the our town and my destination) so I climb in and have hard contractions all the way there. Shane met me and took me on to the hospital. I was relieved but oh so mad!

I forgot a change of clothes for Shane (no, not on purpose, really) so he had to help me labor in his uniform, which I find great, but he feels is dirty after a shift. We get to the hospital at some horrid hour of the morning, I think around 3:30. The nurse set me up for monitoring and said they'd see if they would keep me (I was 11 days overdue!) after an hour. I was at a 4. Well, in 30 minutes she was admitting me. I had my standby Stadol and rested between contractions. The contractions hurt across the C-section incision, each contraction, not just some. It felt like my hips were going to explode, the pain was so bad. I wondered if my uterus was about to rupture. The pain was so bad I informed Shane I would have an epidural if I didn't have a C-section. My contractions had seemed sporadic and short, so I knew I'd not made much progress. I couldn't endure hours of this pain. I hoped Dr. K, who was on call, would insist on a C-section.

Surprisingly, at 6 am, I was an 8 or a 9. Wow! I can do this! I'm not having a C-section if I've made it this far! Dr. K agreed but still said a C-section was the safest route. He left it up to us after double checking my c-section records. When I said go ahead with the delivery, he said that although it'd add some gray hairs, he's supportive of the decision. He broke my water.

About 7am, Shane started calling people saying we'd have a baby before 8. I still laugh when I think of him on the phone between contractions. I had to hold his hand in a particular way, have him squeeze back at the peak and not a moment before-I was high maintenance! At 7:30 am I was ready to start pushing. Being so experienced, I decided to just do a couple little pushes with each contraction.

Here's what my journal says about the next contraction: "Then I had a killer 60 hour long contraction, it just wouldn't stop. I probably should have pushed through it, but I couldn't even keep focused. Shane held my feet together in one hand while holding my hand with the other." I still think of this contraction and dread delivering this baby!

Shane went out and told the nurse it was time to push and the nurse at the desk casually answered, "Okay, I'll go find Wendy (the nurse)." Shane said, "No, like right NOW!"

Wendy came in and I pushed once. She saw the baby's head and grabbed Shane's hand to hold the baby back. She told me, "Stop while I get Dr. K!" She didn't even leave the room, she yelled out my door. They didn't even break the bed all the way down, I pushed once more and out popped her head. There was old meconium in her amnio fluid... I waited forever...Andrea came in the door (on her way to church. I had no idea I'd deliver so quickly!).

Out came Jaybird (not her birth name, lol) with her very long, knotted cord. Andrea said while cleaning her up, "God saved your baby. " I didn't understand at the time, then they explained her cord was knotted, tightly at the time of birth (delivering the old tired placenta probably pulled it tight). God did protect her indeed. Wendy said in all her years of nursing, Jay was only the second knotted cord with a good outcome (lived).

I was in such shock that I delivered with two pushes, not an hour's worth. My brain couldn't wrap around it at first. Andrea had the baby up to me trying to get her to latch on, Dr. K was doing whatever drs do between your legs after you give birth and Shane was beaming beside me. I was so overwhelmed. I kinda freaked and Wendy saw it and offered the Stadol she was going for before delivery. I took it by default, but only needed time to recover. What a ride!

Then I blinked and I'm pregnant again. Jay will be 2 this summer, on my Dad's birthday. This baby is due the month of my Mom's birthday...I was just trying to be fair :)

Check out her hair! It was about 2-3" at the longest point, right on top of the back of her head. Beth was sure her permanent hairdo-total Alfalfa hair, was Andrea's fault because Andrea spiked it at birth...and it wouldn't go back down. Thankfully when she was six months old, it did lay down. Here's a picture of our Texas Haired Child now:

Birth Story 3

Well, if the others were somewhat normal, this one made up for them! I have to back up to the pregnancy to tell this story.

During my first sonogram of this pregnancy a large cyst was found near the baby, but outside the uterus. It was clear fluid, so it wasn't a mass, just a somewhat mysterious cyst. It would remain a mystery, too until delivery because any means used to investigate it could threaten the pregnancy. To rule out an enlarged ureter (posing as a cyst), I was sent to a urologist.

I had an appt set up but in the mean time I had unrelenting pain so my primary doctor sent me to a different urologist, Dr. D, who had an immediate opening. I love this man! It's a good thing, too, since I had to see him monthly through the entire pregnancy.

I'm trying to keep these stories brief, but this one is just plain medically interesting (to me anyway). I found out all kinds of things at my urologist's office. He kept me there for two hours the first time, poking and prodding, sonograming and testing. We found out that my bladder doesn't empty fully, has debris floating around in it, and that the bilateral reimplantation surgery I had as a child resulted in my ureters (the tubes from the kidneys to the bladder) being criss-crossed--who knows why the surgeon did that. The cyst was pressing on my right kidney, causing it to decrease in function. I almost had a stint put in to drain it, but thankfully with monthly monitoring, Dr. D decided I was okay without it. Off to the big city I went each month though to have a sonogram done of my bladder and kidneys by a guy Shane and I swore was Albert Einstein. We always tried to get him to give us a glimpse of the baby, but he wouldn't do it!

By 20 weeks, the cyst had grown to the size of a softball. It kind of bothered me that we can have things in our body that size and never know it. My very thorough nurse practitioner even missed it in my prenatal exam. Scary.

So, we all wondered what this would mean when it came time to deliver the baby. Would delivery cause the cyst to burst? We just waited to closer to the end, and Dr. T warned me about a possible C-section.

It turned out, this older wise doctor was right. Bethany wouldn't turn--couldn't turn--because the cyst was in her way. That sealed the deal. Dr. T wouldn't risk turning her himself, possibly causing the cyst of unknown origin to burst.

I like to say she was born on her due date, too, since we planned a C-section and she was indeed born on that day. I believe it was about a week before her due date, though. I was so nervous. Surgery isn't a small deal, even if it's done daily in that hospital. I had my little funeral requests written out for Shane, just in case. (I told you I'm slightly type A.)

With this baby, we'd decided to not have her eyes treated with ointment since I don't have an STD and she wasn't even passing through the birth canal and we opted to hold off on the Hep B vaccine, which together caused a little tension with the nurse, but all ended okay, right Andrea?

Andrea was there, taking great pictures. Shane looked great in the royal blue paper gown/hat/shoe covers. It was the strangest sensation to have her pulled from my body. It felt like my ribs were coming out, too. It didn't hurt, but it was weird. The epidural, of course, was mandatory, but I lived through it-even though the room was ice cold and I was shivering through the insertion of the needle. There is nothing like the warm sheets Ann covered me in though! Someone, Amy probably, the baby's nurse, brought Bethany to me for a moment, then Shane took her on to the nursery. Our little ones were so excited to see her through the glass. Little almost-3 yr old Hope just motioned over and over through the glass that she wanted to touch her, "Just let me touch her, Daddy!"

Drs T & A then removed the cyst. It was attached to the fallopian tube, was just a fluke kind of thing. During the sewing up, I felt very weird, like I could feel my pulse throughout my entire body. I was about to ask what was happening when it stopped, and I still don't know what that was about.

I had a short stay in ICU and while I was there, Bethany was evaluated. They discovered she wasn't breathing well through her nose and if she didn't start, she would be transported to a specialized Children's hospital an hour away. Thankfully, she passed the nursing test-if she could breathe while nursing, she would be cleared of any problems, and she could. Nurse Ann told me "that baby just needed her Momma."

Recovery was NOT fun with a C-section. Shane was helping me clean up in the hospital bathroom later that night and I started to pass out. He had to carry me back to the bed. He was scolded by the nurse but told her his hands were a little full; he couldn't call her. It was a slow process of healing at home. I hated having to ask for help just to turn over in bed. Even a couple of years later, when Bethany would pat my lower belly to get my attention, it would hurt a little.

I started worrying about future deliveries shortly after having Bethany. I didn't want another C-section but was afraid of a VBAC. I researched for hours but never found a peace about it.

Then I found out I was pregnant with baby number four and had to make a decision...but that's a story for next time!

Birth Story 2

Well, here goes. Part two---Hope's story.

This one went a little faster, I think. I knew things were starting to happen one evening, and sure enough contractions followed. Some family came over and stayed with three year old Ash and we got to the hospital somewhere after midnight. I was dilated to a five.

My nurse was Deborah, who I feared. It turned out she was great. We were so very tired, so we cat napped between contractions that had kind of fizzled a bit. I progressed to an eight, though by shift change when my favorite nurse, Marianne became my nurse once again. We called our pastor and the family, I had a tiny dose of Stadol (my other favorite companion during labor!).

My amniotic sac was still fully intact, but my doctor promised to come break it after a morning meeting. I was about a nine at 11:30 am when he did come in and broke it. That is a strange sensation!

This got things going nicely and I had a bit more Stadol and was nearing the pushing stage. Marianne left Shane and me alone to get started pushing, although it was ineffective because of my position. Marianne later repositioned my legs and I did much better. I pushed for an hour just like in my first labor.

I was ready to quit, though. I do this every time-start saying I can't do it right as the baby's head is crowning. They encouraged me that I was almost done, they could see her head! But I quickly told them her head was the size of a three year old's!

And it was! Well, almost. She was born at 1:30 in the afternoon and weighed in at 9lbs 5 ounces. Ash was 7.5 lbs, so this was quite a difference!

Even with her size, I only had a tiny tear that didn't require stitches. I had been worried about tearing again, but Marianne assured me that it's not unusual to not tear with second or third babies-the tissue has been stretched before. She massaged during birth, which wasn't comfortable at all. I was amazed to get out of bed and feel totally normal-this is what it was supposed to feel like? I had no idea!

We let Ash come in alone before any family, so she could get to know her little sister. We offered her two names: Bethany or Sarah and she picked Sarah. Sarah Hope.

Oh, and she was also born on her due date! Very fun for this slightly type A mom!