Sweet Miracle

It's been almost two months since my life has been sans sugar. I'm surprised I've kept it up and interestingly enough, I'm considering not adding it back in. Ever.

Being sugar free has done wonders for me but to share them reveals a side of me I'd rather keep in the dark. I'm not really into everyone knowing how bad I am when no one sees.

Yet the changes are too big to not shout about, so here it goes.

I've been addicted to sugar as long as I can remember. I used to think it was because my mom bought sweets for my dad's lunch and we weren't allowed any. Maybe so, I don't know. I have hidden food so I would be able to consume it without sharing. It didn't make it last much longer though since I would think about it throughout the day and plan when to sneak a bite (and A Bite is an understatement!). I occasionally had thoughts of purging but didn't act on it (but I did when I was younger until I figured out the dentist could tell so I stopped!). These behaviors define an eating disorder and the sin of gluttony. Ouch.

I would eat to relieve stress, to reward myself, to pamper myself...for any reason. I'd even polish something off to just have it gone (like I'd never heard of a trash can for Pete's sake).

I could turn down chips, diet cokes, and anything that wasn't sweet, but something sugary was not deniable.

Just like my last pregnancy, sugar started to taste bad this time around. On June 9th, the girls came home from day camp and offered me their M&M cookie. I ate some of it and when the bad taste and run down feeling hit minutes later, I swore off sugar.

I didn't know exactly what kind of sugar I'd weed out of my diet or for how long, I just knew that this was a great time to do it. Now or never. For now, I'm avoiding high fructose corn syrup, white & brown sugar. I am eating real maple syrup, honey, and evaporated cane juice. I've never liked artificial sugars, so they're no issue for me to avoid.

In the last two months, I've not binged. I've not overeaten but maybe a couple of times (and it was REAL food, not treats), I've not felt I needed to stress eat or celebrate with sugar (or food in general, really). I've not eaten in secret (except that I have to eat peaches & my Kashi cookies away from Jaybird or she'll steal them all!).

Oh, and one other great thing has happened: fruit tastes really sweet again. Some cantaloupe I ate last week was so sweet to my taste buds that I actually got a little nauseous. God blessed us with sweets-we just can't taste them like we're supposed to because our taste buds are no longer sensitive to them. I can now enjoy this gift from the Lord!

I have exercised more but not to an extreme. I'm still balancing getting good rest with fitting in my exercise time. I am not eating all "health" food, I am just working on sugar right now. We generally eat wholesome foods, but I'm not stressing out (yet) over the occasional mac & cheese meal.

I am not trying to lose weight while pregnant, but I have. The scale hasn't actually moved down, but it's barely moved up in the last 27 weeks. The nurse said today that I've gained a total of 6 lbs, I thought it was 8. Either way, it will mean a net loss once the baby arrives. I was able to fit into a pair of maternity capris that were too tight 2 months ago. Don't worry, I am eating when I'm hungry and a small weight gain by an overweight pregnant woman is totally medically acceptable.

While these things haven't been goals of mine and I've not had to work at much except the mental fight of staying off sugar (which is hardest for me in the beginning, it's easy now). I love it that I can use food what it was intended for-to live.

I now eat to live. I do not live to eat.