Friday, September 28, 2007

Why am I blogging?

A friend's dh asked why all these bloggers would even want to write this stuff anyway...and I think I've talked about my theory on why blogging is so hot right now. We've lost the community in our fast paced, electronic world of text messages and emails, automated services and online shopping. Blogging has taken the place of the front porch of yesterday.

But today I blog for another reason. After my blue year after Jay was born, I guess I've been prone to getting down and/or overwhelmed. Today is one of those days. I just have so much in my brain, some of it are questions best left inside, but they still eat at me. I need to go to my husband and pour it out on him, but I can't do that, he's sleeping. So, I'm needing a place to get it out-that spot is the blog today.

I'm reading Island of the Blue Dolphins to the girls and just as it did when I read it as a kid, it makes me feel down and strange. I think it's the lonliness she faced, coupled with the shear primitive survival issues-like making weapons and killing animals for food. Anyway, back to the lonliness-I hate lonliness. I have a great group of friends, but sometimes I still feel alone-probably because in all the day to day things, it's just me.

I want someone to say the following things to: "Please stir the pasta on the stove." Or, "Could you answer the phone?" Or, "Hey, want to run and get a movie for tonight?" I'm sure Shane would like that, too-to be available for me, to be around to watch a movie. When he is home and awake, he gladly does all those things for me, without me even asking, but there are only a few hours during the week that he's awake and at home while we're home. Even doing things I really like, like going to Life Group, become a strain when I have to do it alone. I'm really hating the night shift right now, even though on good days I sing its praises.

I know its just the stage, but having a mobile 1 yr old who likes to explore, but is too young to put all the pans away she pulls out, along with 4 year old who is learning all the great techniques to avoid her responsibilities makes a house that is forever cluttered--usually with all those little toys that don't really belong to anyone but no one will let me toss out. I know you have those, too, I just have no idea where they come from, amen?

I'm posting this so if any of you are struggling, you know you are not alone. All of us have hard things to do-mine is homeschooling while working part time and feeling single (waaaaay single now that football season has started-I'm not both a law enforcement widow and a football widow!). Shane's is working in a hard-core rough environment where he's cussed at, threatened, occasionally assualted, and undervalued-oh, and then he goes home to a wife that doesn't like it when he relaxes infront of the football game :). Anyway, we all have our issues-don't buy into the lie that everyone else has it all together. They don't.

Perservere. Hang in there. A great scripture: "It came to pass..."

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